3.6.26

A light fog has settled over the monastery for a few days now. I've noticed moments where I've been feeling lonely for myself. Walking up the hill back up to my dorm I try to stop and slow down. The snow is melting slowly, evaporating into mist. On a video call last week I told my teacher: All I need to do is breathe and I know nothing is ever lost...and I thought I saw her smile. Yesterday I helped a nun shave her head. Afterwards I walked out into the starry night, remembering people from the past who loved me. I wrote in a letter to M about the person I love now, saying It's a kind of love I've never experienced, but have always known. 

This country and its unending wars. I'll never be twenty nine again, but there will always be war. I'm in love and so is somebody else who wakes to the sound of planes and drones flying overhead. We want the same things, although my desperation is not as dire as theirs. What do lovers want? Time, peace, and a place to be together, to honor this thing called Life...