6.8.24

Looking for someone, we always find somebody else. Picking up the phone, J could see the look in my eyes. I could see the vitality she was trying to live with, that California sun, warm on her skin. I didn't have to say much for her to understand what my call was all about. "Reading is great," she said to me without prompting. "I cleaned, I read and I feel so much better." 

In the summer, it's day until it's suddenly night. P said to me that my lesson with ______ was not over. She told me June would be a time of rebirth. I'm a recipe with all the ingredients about to be added in, she said, laughing. 

Today I feel like a terrible stew. Ugly, disgusting soup. 

H said to me: "Being yourself is a humble thing, it’s speaking from truth. It’s not arrogance, who cares what the other people think?"

When I'm good, I think: "What do I have to be afraid of?" And then: "I'm afraid of everything."

I went on a run. I tried to go to sleep. When I did, I woke up thinking about everybody else.