7.3.23

Moving past forgiveness I saw that I was alive. And beyond this - the voice that still echoes - I want something else, and by else I meant the world, and by the world I mean that place where I hope for us to meet, beyond enclosure, and deeper than knowing. "God is the human being fully alive" (John Odohnohue). 

Daring to use my own intelligence, I finally fell asleep. This strange journey, a revolution, every few years touching with my heart and hands heaven on earth. I know heaven is a place on Earth because I've been there, I insist to no one and everyone. It's true there is already peace on Earth, if you want to reach inside and touch it. I want elsewise, always more complicated than needed, I still want to be good, despite. Despite your turning away from me, despite the endless conversations about who loves who doesn't and why not. Despite this - my intelligence - telling me no - not this, not now. All this suffering and to bend low to the ground, putting your lips to the ocean's surface to say - I want to suffer less, I want to have more and now. 

I won't be good, even if someone is watching. Writing to myself, I knew this was all there was. Meeting myself I tried to walk into the world with that knowledge. I'm trying to listen, I'm trying to remember. 

It's true 
this is it 
that's all

I am here.