11.2.22

We're sitting next to each other again on the beach at night. Before this she tells me what she's always told me: you make me feel less crazy. I say I'm sorry but I'm actually just crazy. Sometimes I just want to be more normal. She says this and it defeats me because I know she loves me. I don't think you can be, this is who you've always been. We're eating pizza and she says quietly about everything: I'm afraid if I stop lying to myself now I'll never able to lie to myself again. I know this is how we've reached the end of something and the start of everything else that we can't know yet. From here we'll actually have our hearts broken. From here we'll actually find each other and then when we lose each other we will feel its real devastation.