4.8.26

When I speak of filmmaking, I begin to speak of how I can no longer believe in what I can see. Together, we are moving into, or maybe retreating into what cannot be seen with our eyes or believed in easily. I sense the enclosures around visual language encroaching on what can be imagined, what we can reap from the land and our lives with steel and glass. Will we dare to survive that call beyond the image? Will I? 

-- 

Then, last night, at a village dinner with a cousin I haven't seen in years - brief flashes of understanding in his eyes, and of pain, of shared childhood experiences that still escape our understanding. Did we survive? I told him I had to make 10 million dollars before my brain deteriorated in its entirety and he asked, with full conviction that if I wanted to, I could: Do you really have that ambition? What he meant was: Is that what you really want to do? After all that's happened to us for the sake of wanting more and more?