7.2.24

I was trying to find a home among the words, or maybe on the outskirts of knowing, of almost saying, but not needing to. No, I was trying to find my way closer to you.

When you knew me and I knew you, I felt like we were children. So how can I still feel like one now? The last time I saw you; with a kind of closeness that could only exist between people who have been children together. Or maybe it was the quality of light in California that could produce that kind of feeling between people. 

In the time before memory, when I was still living, before we began to speak again, I had taken myself to the ocean for the first time alone. This was enough I thought - the taste of salt on my tongue. 

I want to keep trying I think. I'll keep trying no matter what. Even after I stop. 

Today walking through this city, trying to make sense of this: "True freedom is remembering who you really are." 

M's words: "Never forget who you are."
L's words: "Never change, just become more you."

And who were they talking about really? This silent rhythm, the sound of my feet on the ground.