10.26.23

to want to love you in a time of war. to want to love you, to want to hold you, to want to march the streets with you. to be afraid of losing you. to not know how careful to be. with you, with grief. to understand grieving again. why does love feel like grief? what happened to me? what's always been happening to so many of us. to be in love, to be knowing love in a time where everyday people lose people they love. again i returned to the world, to meet you. to love you, to see the world on fire. to google if we are compatible, to hope that against all odds, this might last. to google who died and how many today. to think about you as a child, to think about being a child, who was waiting for love. to see men and women with their children dying in their arms. to be thinking about something bigger than i can hold in my arms. to imagine what it'd be like to lose you. to hold you in my arms. to be held in your arms. to be sorry for wanting so much. to want to see you now. to want the war to end. not being able to see how it can. to raise my voice. to whisper in your ear. to fuck you. to want you. to exercise the right resist. to say freedom, now. to be so human. to want a world worth living in. to want a world where love can live. to love you. to love the world. to want more than this, for everybody.